It’s been a while now since I’ve been in this space. I’ve taken some time to pull back, time I’ve needed. I’ve felt a bit like a pinball in a pinball machine being thrown from one side to the other. This is life, ebbs and flows of painful experiences. Truthfully I got to a point in June where I had enough, seriously cursing “not one more thing please”! I have been brought to my knees this last 6 or 7 months at times, literally brought to my knees. At one point finding myself on my kitchen floor sobbing, eventually picking myself up slowly, washing my face, drink a glass of water and slowly move on with my day.
At other times totally ticked at myself for feeling so low, so tired, and so sad. These times I had no self-compassion, none. Finally I've able to take a breath over this last month. Seeing the shit storm my family has been under, I am able to see more clearly I need to cut myself a break. I mean what the hell, this last six months absolutely sucked! And its ok I lost my patience more times than I could count, I didn’t acted quite like myself more times than I can count! I AM NOT PERFECT! AND THAT IS OK!
We lack self-compassion to a point of completely being disrespectful to ourselves. We talk to ourselves in the ugliest of ways, ways we hopefully don’t allow others to do so. It needs to stop and it needs to stop now. We go through ugly things, its ok to feel them, to feel them deep in our being. WE ARE HUMAN, we have human emotions. We are allowed to break down, and find ourselves on the kitchen floor asking God to pick us up, to hold us in his beautiful light. The truth is it doesn’t matter if we ask him to hold us in his light or not ~ he just does. We are never alone, we are always supported in ways beyond our comprehension. When the shit storm settles down and it always does, we can reflect and see the numerous ways we were supported and thankfully held in love
Today, do one thing for yourself, whether it’s a cat nap, a short walk, a well-deserved massage, or getting your nails done, whatever makes you feel wonderful. Take the time to look your beautiful human self in the mirror and say I love you, until you actually mean it deep within your soul. Make self-compassion your new habit. Love you, many blessings <3