Let the pain break you wide open

July 20, 2014

Five years ago my Mom was in the final stages of early onset dementia. We were watching her slowly, yet quickly succumb to this vicious brain deteriorating  disease.

To know my Mom was to love her. She was independent, loved to ride her bike, take long walks, an amazingly yummy cook,  and most important she shared her love with everyone with no hesitation.

With 4 young children, I was in no way ready to lose her. Especially not ready to watch her have every joy in her life taken away piece by piece, by her debilitating disease. However, she navigated this beautifully given what she had left of herself.

Losing Mommy was a pain I can’t express in words, one I never thought I would recover from. I honestly thought I’d walk through life and do the “best” I could without her guidance and love. 

Fast forward 3 years and I couldn’t be more grateful for the pain I endured and the opening it created in my life. The loss was so great, the brokenness far greater in my life. 

Every moment is truly a gift, don’t wait to be happy or to feel joy. Right now is all we have, this moment. To feel joy shut down the monkey brain, and breath in the moment you are in.  Have gratitude for all things good and bad. The pain can be so profound if you allow it to be, its all in the allowing. I will leave you with this beautiful quote from Mark Nepo ~

          Whatever opens us is never as important as what it opens within us. 

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